one momma's thoughts on daycare...

Daycare. A bad word for some but something that was a reality for me and my family. We knew I would go back to work and we knew that we needed to find a place for our son to be cared for during the day.

Having a background in pediatrics, seeing the good, the bad, and the ugly situations that happen in the hospital everyday that were a result of poor daycare/caregiver situations, I was a little more high strung than most new moms looking to find a place for their child.

I wanted everything to be perfect. After all, I'm a babywise mama. I have a schedule. A plan. I worked so hard to make my baby do what I wanted him to do in 12 weeks and I'm going to have to hand him off to a stranger, A STRANGER?!?

I literally visited 8-10 different facilities and homes when looking for a place for Knox. I started looking when I was only 4-5 months pregnant as I knew our area was notorious for long wait lists. All of my mama friends warned me about getting into the right school, at the right time.

I made a list of all the questions I would ask the facility to ensure my baby was well taken care of. It was quite extensive and the owners of the facilities typically politely smiled, answered the questions, and then rolled their eyes when I turned my back. I was a brand new mom and an anxious one at that.

What is the child to staff ratio?
How often do you clean the toys?
How to you ensure safety with formula or foods so that they do not get switched for child?
What is the visitation policy?
Do infants follow the same schedule or individual schedules?
What happens if a child comes in ill or becomes ill during the day?
How often does your staff turnover? Will I be informed of turnover?
How do you deal with a fussy baby?
How long do you allow for a crying baby until you change the environment or call the parent?
What supplies do you provide?
What emergency certifications do you have? CPR?
What is your immunization policy?
Hand washing in between diaper changes?
Do the babies feed on demand or on a schedule?
What happens if the baby is refusing to eat?

After looking into many different options, we decided on a traditional daycare, highly recommended and certified, expensive daycare. They taught yoga, made wholesome meals, had a small teacher-baby ratio. Everything seemed great. And it was for many of the families there.

We lasted a total of 3 weeks. I noticed that everyday when I picked Knox up, he was in a device (a swing, a bouncer, or jumper) usually just sitting and staring as life happened around him. Now don't get me wrong, I love a good jumper, or some bouncer time for mommy's sanity but I was paying a hefty fee for that bouncer. He seemed like a number, a mouth to feed, a schedule to maintain. I know there were wonderful teachers there, it's just they had many other infants, some with higher needs than Knox, and they were stretched thin. I had a really hard time coming to pick him up and noticing that his interaction with other people had been mostly limited to observation.

We decided that we would start the search for a new daycare situation. I decided to look into in-home daycares as I thought he might get a little more one-on-one attention there. I stumbled upon several in our neighborhood, all of which were hundreds of dollars less than the traditional daycare, and seemingly a safe environment. I again interviewed several owners, long list of questions out, and decided on one approximately 2 minutes from our home.

Knox transitioned to his in-home daycare several weeks later. In home daycares bring their own differences and compromises to the table. The one-on-one attention was great. The owner knew me and my husband by name. She seemed to carry Knox around as her own, loving on him and holding him constantly. He was the youngest she had. She also had 8-10 other kiddos along with an assistant who helped her throughout the day. The other kiddos ranged in age from birth-4 years and were, for the most part, mobile. They moved quickly and with little regard for what was next to them. I started to notice that Knox might be playing in the middle of the room, while the 4 year olds were running around chasing each other. At this time, Knox was only 4 months old, little and easily overlooked in a game of tag. The older kids also had older kid toys with smaller parts and were eager to share those with their tiny friend. Situations came up that I saw as unsafe. There's also a difference in security. At the traditional daycare, I had a key fob to enter the building and extreme safety measures were taken to ensure no one who wasn't supposed to be there was there. An in home daycare has rules, but it's still someone's home. It's much less standard and secure than a traditional childcare building in my opinion. The day I saw a small child crawling out of the door when a parent was entering, I decided we needed to continue the search for the right place for Knox.

We ended up taking a recommendation from a friend for a church mother's day out preschool program that had extended hours for working parents. Immediately upon arrival, the staff greeted me well, didn't mind my laundry list of questions which was ever growing, and welcomed me to see the school. The teacher-child ratio was 1:3 in the infant room, and one by one, all of my questions and fears were answered. Mothers who's kiddos were in college were caring for my baby, they offered to text me pictures and updates throughout the day, they even followed my slightly anal babywise schedule. They loved my baby. I knew that even though this place didn't have the best hours, the easiest location, or the lowest price, it was worth it for Knox.

I don't think any one site, facility, or program is best by any means. This was our experience, one time, and with one baby. What I learned was to trust your instincts, to keep looking until you feel comfortable, and that no place is perfectly like home and that's ok.

Sending your new baby off to daycare is almost unbearable but if you can find a place you feel comfortable, you and your baby will both thrive. I love the moments I get to spend with Knox in the mornings, evenings, and weekends and I thank the Lord for the good people that are willing to love on him, discipline him, and care for him on my behalf throughout the week.

Flying with Toddlers : 17 Months

One word: don't. 

Two words: do not. 

Three words: do not even. 

In a lot of words: avoid at all costs but if you have too here's what worked and what failed for us. 

I wrote about flying with babies, and since I had done over a dozen flights with them already I felt fine about flying with toddlers. We even took an international trip to Turks and Caicos when they were technically toddlers at almost 13 months old. We flew to Texas when they were 15 and 1/2 months. On those two trips, we lucked out with a few empty seats on a few of the flights, the girls were still taking morning naps, and they were just barely walking.  We felt confident enough to book another flight, didn't even think twice about it really. On their 17 month birthday. 

This June 1st, 2015 flight would mark their 6th out of state trip and 17th time on a plane, layovers Obaaaamaaaa. (New Girl). 

I hardly even made a to-pack list. Paci, snacks, toys, a couple of throw pillows, no big deal. Again I wasn't considering that they didn't nap in the morning, I was banking on an empty seat, and using all my old tricks. 

When this is the only photo you get on both planes to Knoxville... Houston we have a problem. No empty seats. No naps. Definitely a problem. 

Let me break down where we missed the mark on this particular trip. Relying on our baby travel skills and not taking enough consideration into the whole one-afternoon-nap-a-day-wiggly-toddler gag. 

THIS IS WHAT NOT TO DO:

1. Carry On Bag 

This will make or break you. I overpacked our bags and I paid dearly.

2. Toys 

I decided on two new Fisher Price Little People toys since they've been loving Little People at home. I packed a coloring book despite the fact that they only eat the marker at home, I envisioned the coloring quietly on my lap. I also apparently thought hugging "baby doll" would provide more than 5 seconds of entertainment while filling up 1/5 of my carry on. The Little People toys were a bust. They continued eating the markers. And again hugs only last a few seconds. I had other random toys packed in to the brim.

3. Snacks 

Their current favorite snack is yogurt covered raisins. Seems like a obvious choice. Until they were violently thrown all over every nook and cranny of rows 16, 17, and 18 with special detail to the nice man in 17C. What's the backup snack? My homemade peanut butter-apricot-ground almond-snack rolled in shredded coconut bites! Wow I was impressed with myself for packing such a healthy homemade snack. Oh what's Maisie doing shoving five peanut butter bites in her mouth? She must be hungry oh no she's coughing oh my sweet lands she spitting all five chewed up peanut butter bites into my hand and it looks absolutely disgusting. I'll just shove them back into my carry on bag so the 23-year-old recent college grad in 16B can stop judging me. You'll be singing a different tune soon enough pal. Or maybe not.

4. Too Eager 

I used all my tricks in the first 20 minutes before the plane even took off and was left scrambling. 

5. No Nap

Even though they hadn't taken a morning nap in weeks I used precious carry on bag space for blankie, lovey, bunny, and a few paci's in the event they took a nap! They didn't. And again, space waster. 

Redemption 

The flight home. The Way Back. Starring Colin Farrell with special guests appearances by Maisie and Camille. 

(How I envisioned the return given the challenging flight there.) 

THESE ARE BETTER CHOICES:

1. Carry On Bag

I packed sooo much smarter and made sure I could reach into the bag with plenty of room to spare. I put smaller toys in a ziplock bag. 

2. Toys

I turned to Pinterest and boy did it pull through. 

Weekly medicine thing filled with snacks. My girls love opening and closing so this was a home run. Also fewer yogurt covered raisins to shower on unsuspecting passengers. You'll also notice we lucked out with 1 extra empty seat. Toy + snack = best of all worlds.

This was just pure luck that we found out the song "Good Morning" from Singing in the Rain is mezmorizing to my wiggly toddlers. They'll sit still through the entire 3:36 minute gig. Several times! I apologized to seat mates for getting it stuck in their head and played on repeat. Love ya Gene Kelly. 

One book is enough. I didn't waste space with any more than that. I made sure to get books with flaps. Stuffed animals are only good if they sing like Daniel Tiger. And obviously they weren't allowed to see it until we got on the plane. 

3. Snacks 

The medicine dispenser toy snack combo was awesome. On layer overs we did more snacks so we were not dealing with hungry toddlers on the plane. The girls seem to do fine with their ears when they use the paci or sip water. Although Maisie and I did share a Chick Fil A chicken biscuit, I don't recommend it for a mess-free snack but we both loved it and it used up a good 8 minutes. 

4. Patience

On the first flight back home I had an empty seat next to me, and I was soooo tempted to bust out all my new tricks, because I want to see how well they worked. But I only got out a couple of tricks the entire 2.5 hour flight because they were happy enough just having their own seat. That was my greatest decision because we needed every last trick on the second flight. 

5. No Nap No Problem
Since my carry on bag was strategically packed I left blankie, lovey, bunny, and all but one paci in the checked bag.

Major take home points for flying with a toddler approximately 17 months of age:

- do NOT overpack the carry on bag. That awesome toy squeezed between lovey, blankie, bunny, puzzle, and backup paci #6 will do you do good if unreachable.

- pack a few very carefully selected distraction methods.

- this Melissa & Doug sticker board was gold. 

- this suction cup dentist office toy.

- toy knife and Velcro fruit in a ziplock bag. I only packed ONE fruit. They LOVED it.

- busy snacks in a medicine dispenser. 
- tearing pieces of paper from a notebook.

- if you are bored/eager/anxious resist the urge to move the tiny human on to the next activity. Wait until absolutely necessary. Otherwise you'll have used all your reachable tricks only to find out you're #9 in line for departure. 

- just because they like it at home doesn't make it a good plane toy. 

- Peanut Butter Snacks on a plane: The thrilling sequel that no one expected. Just. No. No more peanut butter on a plane. 

- fly direct whenever possible. 

Until next flight.... which will be in the year 2016 when we are forced to buy their own seat and it will be worth every pretty penny. 

What I Learn From Toddlers

1. JOY

When my toddlers aren't throwing a tantrum, teething, sick, or sleeping, they're generally quite happy. Considering their left brains are hardly developed I give 'em credit for the slightest bit of control over emotion. Rain, snow, or shine they love to be outside. While I would like to sulk and pout that it was 45 degrees on May 20th the girls just want to swing and giggle. So, if you can't beat them... join them. 

2. CURIOUSITY 

Ask more questions! No one likes a know-it-all anyway. Here Maisie is onto a great discovery about her shoe...

3. PAJAMAS

It's okay if some days you leave the house in your pajamas. First of all, they are comfy. Secondly, it's Eco-friendly as that's one less outfit to wash. Thirdly, what invented standard says you have to always be put together? The same one that says you have to shower every day? Please. 

4. HUGS 

Give more hugs. Even if it's not the cultural norm (I'm looking at you Wisconsin). Case closed. 

5. READ

Even if you don't understand what you're reading, keep reading. (Books... Not bachelorette blogs Emily.)

6. DONUTS

There's no shame. Just eat more. And always offer to others. 

7. WAVE

Wave to everyone. Whether you know them or not. (Also don't lose track of your other tiny human in the woods.)

8. FRIENDSHIP

Makes the mundane better. Never mind they are just pushing peas into corners and crevices and let's be honest probably will eat as a snack later. I'll leave you with this quote from the great songwriter/philosopher/cultural icon  Michael W. Smith, "Friends are friends forever." 

Reunion City: Population Us

Hellooooo Knox! Sit down, let me know you how me and your mother met...

When the twins were just 6 weeks old Jenn made the long journey to Wisconsin in the dead of winter to meet Maisie and Camille. She diagnosed them with acid reflux and taught me that bouncing on an exercise ball probably wasn't the most helpful for their sensitive tummies. I also let her know that babies don't care if you are hungry at 6pm and she should really think long and hard before her and John decide to have a baby. It was a quiet ride taking Jenn to the airport to return home. Well a month later they found out they were pregnant and a little over a year later I finally got to meet my best friends baby.

(Not pictured is 4 feet of snow outside.) (Also not pictured is the other 5 days because let's just say we spent a lot of time in separate rooms with noise-canceling headphones.)

After just a few days with the little guy, I can say he's the sweetest, chubbiest, smiliest, and smartest little guy! I just love him! (Sleep regression an all.) Jenn and John are amazing parents who make him smile and he just adores them even though Abby is definitely #1 in his heart despite the lack of reciprocation. It's funny because Jenn kind of gave me the impression that he was fussy and "had struggles", but he must have known I might be his future mother-in-law one day (arranged marriage!!!) because Knox was on his varsity game.

He smiles at EVERYTHING but laughs at very little, as a recovering people pleaser it was my mission to make him laugh and I'm happy to report that mission was accomplished but not without a lot of work. While I didn't get a lot of laughs, his thirty different variations of a smile sure were heart melt worthy. 

Bye girls I'll be home soon!! 

Jessica was technically the first to make him laugh. Sidenote love you Jess!!

The kid can not get enough of Abby. But Abby moderately interested at best.

But he sure does love his momma! Who doesn't? 

Marni and I got our frappy hour on and we trademarked the phrase "frappy hour". Love you Marn-Marn, come visit the motherland region of the country soon??

Group pictures. Just as unorganized as the college days just add babies.

Love Baby Walsh #2 making a guest appearance. :) 

Margaritas. Best friend. And Mexican. Is there anything better? 

Conclusion: there is not. 

Goodbye farmer baby, I love you! 

I'm back girls! Which of you wants to settle down with a nice farmer boy in a land called Dallas? 

Until next time Texas.....

Instagram Uncut Unedited

Y'all, I have another instagram account. It's affectionally known as "real life". I'll be the first to admit I can view and use social media in an unhealthy way. "Cute picture! She looks so happy. Wonder where she got that dress. I'd probably be happier if I bought that dress. I miss shopping. I need to go shopping. Oh GAP is having a sale! You gotta spend money to save money. Should I get coordinating dresses for the girls? If I do 1994 Olan Mills might call. But really, how is she so happy? Wonder how her skin is so clear... that Rodan and Fields stuff is convincing. Meh I'll just stick with the dress today." A glimpse into my brain is unsettling I know. As my husband used to say, "you are not well in the head". This was before we were dating so it's ok.  I digress. As long as my heart is in check quite frankly I enjoy looking at beautiful photos of hippie children galavanting in the woods at dusk and enjoy posting the one good photo out of 72 blurry toddler photos.

So today I give you my instagram and then I give you the other 99.9% of my daily life.

Instagram Says: Toddler using her skills to climb on a tray table and pretend hand sanitizer dispenses goldfish. Wow my kids have great creative and for that matter physical potential. 

Real life says: We are never above technology/TV to distract and we use it in way more than just "emergency situations". 

 Instagram says: One-year-olds posing sweetly for their 1st birthday picture.

Real life says: Diaper check on isle four. Taken seconds after the above 'gram. We spend approximately 0 minutes frolicking daintily around in smocked dresses. Take the dresses off IMMEDIATELY before they drool goldfish on them! 

Instagram says: Trendy toddlers mean hip and put together mom.

Real life says: Most days this is the best we can do.

Instagram says: Wild and unruly toddler making terrible life choices.

Real life says: Wild and unruly toddler still making terrible life choices.

Facebook says: Awww Easter sunday picture.

Real life says: Wait you seriously gave your 15-month-olds 22 donut holes? I did. I really did.

Facebook says: Toddlers hugging really do make the world a better place.

Real life says: Most days hugs lead to tackles which lead to tears which lead to bribes like 22 donut holes and Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. 

Facebook says: Toy piano. Fire going. Stockings hung. Looks like a lovely Christmas. 

Real life says: It was lovely in a Maisie-is-recovering-from-a-terrible-winter-cold-and-could-snap-at-any-moment-don't-you-dare-give-her-a-new-baby-doll sort of way. 

-

So next time you see a picture I post, just know that I probably bribed my children (and RD) with donut holes. ;)

The New Normal....

Well, we are officially one month into our new normal. I'm back at work. My husband is back at work. My baby is in daycare. (daycare posts to come)

I'd like to say I'm a super mom and it hasn't been a struggle every.single.day since it started but that just wouldn't be true. Being a working mom can be tough. Correction. Being a mom is tough.

First of all, Knox wakes up (fingers crossed) around 7:00 am each morning. I have to leave for work at 6:50 am so John gets baby duty in the mornings. I try to be exceptionally loud around baby's room when it gets close to time for me to leave in the hopes of waking him for a little kiss or snuggle before I'm out the door (don't tell John). Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

Leaving before your baby wakes up is so hard. Talk about mommy guilt. Everything inside of me says I"m the only one who can wake him up, dress him, prepare him for his day...and somehow, if I don't do these things, I fail...

John takes him off to daycare and then heads to work himself. I travel a million miles down the tollway, walk across two sky bridges, and then sit down at my desk and turn into SLP mode. The next 8 hours go like this....

"I wonder when he last ate?"
"Did he take a good nap?"
"Will he be in a good mood when I pick him up?" 
"Did I leave any extra clothes in his diaper bag?"

Trying not to think about your baby at work is like trying not to breath. indefinitely. I feel guilty for leaving him with someone else. I feel guilty for enjoying my time away from him. I feel guilty about feeling guilty. 

Finally, I'm off work. Then the real fun begins. It's a mad dash to the Tollway in an attempt to make it back to the burbs before the real traffic hits, and then decide what happens next...

1. Target. (There's surely something I need there on any given day. food. formula. curtains. hard to say.)

2. Workout. (who are we kidding? this is really #10,000 on the list. although it should be moved up. baby weight is real and upsetting.)

3. Go straight to the daycare because you can't stand another minute without him.  (cue additional guilt)

4. Sit in your car for an hour in the driveway of the daycare to "rest my eyes" without interruption. (cue additional guilt)

The options are endless.  

Typically, I decide to immediately pick up my son. He's smiling, happy, talking, and generally had a great day without me as far as I can tell. We go home and I soak up 2 hours of Knox time, granted this is still his witching hour(s), until he's back in his crib and I'm already waiting to wake him up again in the morning.

It should be noted that trying to enjoy the witching hours is no easy task. He's tired. I'm tired. Stopping to enjoy the moments we do have can be so hard. I find more guilty feelings for "not doing more, teaching him more, loving him more" and so on....

The next several hours consists of running around like a crazy person to ensure the next day of daycare, work, and life are in order before crossing my fingers that we all sleep before the whole thing is put on repeat.

Being a working mom can be tough. We are still learning our new normal. What i do know is:

I am thankful for a job that I love and am passionate about. I am thankful God has blessed me with a skill that can help other moms on a daily basis. It's ok to love my job. It's ok to leave my baby to do my job. He's in good hands and I am able to serve others with a gift I've been given. I will not allow mommy guilt to cripple my love for my job.

I am thankful for a husband that supports and helps. I am thankful that we are a good team and that this baby thing is getting a little easier everyday. He leads our family well and I am able to enjoy my baby at night because of all of the help and assistance he provides.

I am thankful to have a crazy, smart, and chubby little boy who makes coming home from work a little more fun each day. His smile, his laugh, and his ability to make me melt make coming home so very sweet.

I am thankful for a God who loves me. The wife me. The mommy me. The speechie me. 

This is our new normal and I am thankful.

Formula Feeding 15 Months Later

A while back, I wrote a post about formula feeding for my favorite twin blog, Twin Talk Blog. Here are the cliff notes of that post.

"I'll nurse if I can, but no worries if not! Secretly thinking, I'm totally not using formula. Oh darn, the twins aren't nursing well. Oh yikes I have no supply. Try everything. Tears. Formula. Tears. Poison. Tears. Expensive formula. Tears. Baby Brezza Formula Pro. Miracle. Tears. Come to Jesus moment. He is better than formula. No guilt no shame needed!"

So 15 months later and bottles filled with formula are a faint memory. They weaned easily and quickly and were done by their first birthday. And my dishwasher rejoiced! A sweet friend recently asked for the link to that post, so I revisited it myself and thought of my perspective now that I'm an old washed up mom.

What surprises me the most 15 months later is what triggers to this day can still set off emotions of guilt or bitterness. Facebook is awash with great and terrible content. Cat memes always fall under the great category. Political posts of any kind are terrible (I vote for no-politics-allowed Facebook in 2016). Babies in costumes = great. Dogs in costumes = great. What is Your Lord of the Flies Name Quiz is and will always be absolutely terrible.

Just last week there was an article about the benefits of breastfeeding, pretty common and should be harmless. But I found myself clicking it, reading it, and resenting it. A mom nursing in public (covered or uncovered is a topic I dare not address) can set off these weird emotions. I was at a cafe when a group of moms with one baby each came in and sat down. They were happily discussing nursing and all that goes with it, and I found myself boiling up with said weird emotions. I felt like I had to justify myself to these strangers. I tried my hardest and it just didn't work! And you know what formula is okay! My babies know what the word somersault means!! I'm not a bad mom! You're not a better mom! Just leave me in peace to drink my latte and eat my scone!!!!!!

Don't judge. We all have moments that rank very low on the "most proud" list. Anyway turns out the problem for me isn't breastfeeding advocates, although some of them should take the same sedative I needed to take in that cafe. The problem isn't moms who are nursing in public. Or talk about nursing in public. The problem is my heart. It always is! In this particular circumstance, the root of those emotions is that I lack trust in who I believe to be the author of life. Author defined by my pal Trip Lee "just take my pen, here, you create my rhymes".  I can feel so guilty for "losing control" of nursing.  When the truth is that God wrote in the script the circumstances that led to formula in my babies lives. I ignore this and I often believe that breastmilk would have made a big difference in their life and justified me as a good mom.

If I zoom out of Maisie and Camille's nursery, and zoom out of my house, and zoom out of Wisconsin, and out of the United Sates, and zoom out of earth, and if I gain a greater perspective... things start to fall in their right place. It's not breastmilk that's going to make the biggest difference in Maisie and Camille's life, it's the saving grace of Jesus that's going to make the eternal difference. Case closed. The more often I reflect on the reality of that truth, the more equipped I am to keep my real but often wrong emotions in their proper place.

So every time that I feel a sting of emotion that isn't in check, I want to use that sting as a reminder to zoom out of my circumstance, and to gaze upon what I believe to be true.